alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
