omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
