sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
