cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
