Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
