thus making me awesome and them whores
the condom got lost in my hair
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i've created a new STD.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
