Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Randomize
