When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
