I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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