His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
