if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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