Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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