I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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