he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
