guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
