It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
