who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
