I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
