I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
