I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
