What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
