Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
