i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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