So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize