My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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