your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
