Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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