While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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