So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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