Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
