and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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