My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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