Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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