I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Im part way to drunk.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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