it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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