I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
