I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
