69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
