i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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