I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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