Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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