My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
