I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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