this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
