i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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