Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
