Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
