Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
