It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
