you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
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