i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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