I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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