oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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