Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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