Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize