What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
