Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
