you guys were way drunker than both of me
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
