sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
