Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
