no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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