Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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