if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
