I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
