He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
