I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
