My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
