her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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