Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
