The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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