I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
