as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
