Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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