You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
