I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
