I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
