i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
