What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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