I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
