I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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