there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
