We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize