i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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