Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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