just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
