he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
