If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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