True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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