so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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