I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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