I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
