you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
