Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
