what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
