Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize